OOOOH FUCK 
ARE YOU REALLY SUPPOSED TO BE HERE?


YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS
THIS IS NOT!!!!!!!!!!! A  SAFE WEBSITE


WHAT I LET RUNNING

”I have no idea of where I’m going, but I feel I’m nowhere close to there yet.” -

Just... Yeah. 


”...Keep my wheels a-rolling...” -  If I stop I won’t be able to regain speed and get back on track. I’m exhausted, but I have some sort of momentum. I don’t dare. I don’t feel it’s worth the risk, although I don’t know what’s at stake. 


”...this car...” - I didn't know how to drive a car when writing this. That means: A car  = death by own hand. Death by own hand = suicide. 


”...on foot…” - as it is now/current state = being alive. 


”... I’ve been grinding…” / ”...my teeth off guard…” - grinding: teeth that is - tense jaws/mouth  = they’re on guard. I'm stressed A.F.


”...what I let running…” - referring to my thoughts - they’re in my head = need I die to keep up? 


”...big mountain. It’s mostly made of steel and glass…” - that’s a mountain of dirty dishes - I can’t keep up = if this is life, it’s not for me. 


”...upside down fountain that submerges what I wish at my command..” = the faucet.


It is, in the essence, a song about not wanting to live (because the situation is unbearable) while being the kind of person who does not gives up. I might rest, but I won't give up (if it is not clearly impossible to begin with. Like: I won't keep trying to learn how to jump to the moon (with current gravity status.) I gave that up when I was quite young.) Anyway:

 

The film "The Mist" really got me thinking a while back. I was parallelly trying to get my head around the book of Genesis, and some other biblical stories, and I started associating, unraveling  and understanding like crazy. (You should see my notes from this period. Jeez.) Again: Anyway:

The symbolism of the mist is extremely powerful, and also extremely helpful if you understand it. It helps and reminds you of what you should not do when you are in the mist or, some situation that the mist could be used as a metaphor for. 


What should you not do when you're in the mist?

Act. Make big decisions.  Trust what you see. Change course. 


What should you do when you're in the mist?

Slow down. Get far up in the mast. Make an effort and prioritize to position yourself to  get a wider perspective a.k.a. to see the bigger picture. 

Not the hour, the day and the week, but the year, the decade and your life, the life of others before you and the life of others after you. 


Looking at the week, you can be doing terrible, and you may have no chance of  "saving" the week. 

But if you give up your life because you can't save the week, you are acting on a large  timeframe whilst understanding a short.  That is not wise, and not good, and you can do better, and I expect more from you. 


The mist exists on many different timeframes simulntaneously. Here are some examples:


1. Life in relation to death.
You know not what your life will be like in the future. You know not what dying is like. You do not know which is better of the two. Life, or death. What if your death is more unbearable than your life?

Will you get another chance on life? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe you'll regret dying if you kill yourself. Maybe you regret not killing yourself earlier when you die. What seems unlikely is that you'll get to do this again. Let's see where it goes. It might be the least suffering you'll ever experience - the one you're experiencing now. In any case. You're in the mist - so you shouldn't change course or move faster.  Grab what you can see and reach, and try to make sense of it. Start by trying to see what you're doing wrong, and be honest with yourself. I mean that on the most fundamental level, and into a very detailed level.
Speak  (and think) the truth. To yourself, and to others.  And you will have created Being out of that. 


P.S.
If you are inproportionally scared of dying this also helps you. Death might be better than life. You don't know that. Don't ruin your life by being scared of death, when you don't even know if it is something worth being scared of.

D.S.


2. Meeting  and listening to new people.

Should you not meet new people, because you don't know if they'll be good or bad for you?

No. You should not not meet new people. New people will provide you new perspectives., if you allow them. They will teach you about yourself, them and the world. You will climb higher in the mast and make the outlines of your map reach further.  They will help you shape yourself into a better and more sturdy version of yourself, if you allow them. 


If you are scared. If your guard is up.

If you think of yourself as being made out of glass that will shatter upon impact, you will protect yourself in a manner that will keep people away from you. They will not want to interact with you if you defend yourself as if you were more fragile than you are. You need to realize this:
They are hammering you. But you are not made of glass. You are made out of glowing hot iron and you, my friend - can take a beating. 


Sparks will fly. It will be loud. It will hurt. But:  if you know what you are made of, you will become hardened, in shape and sharp. You will become a useful tool for the society you live in. People will help you into good form. A version of you that is desireable. 


Would you want to be a tool of great quality that people can use to make their lives easier, or would you want to be   -  not  Schrödinger's cat, but - Schrödinger's grandma's super-thin and sentimentally expensive vase in a box marked "FRAGILE" that people need to tip-toe around and handle with care so it won't break?
Do you wan't to be someone that has to be sheltered and defended from everything and everyone, or do you want to be someone that people can enjoy speaking to, trying their thoughts with and learn from?


3. You think your friend/relative stopped caring for you.  How dare they?

Imagine you have a friend or family member. Imagine this friend or family member has stopped reaching out to you like he or she used to. It seems like he or she does no longer care. 


You start thinking about it, and you think something along the lines of
"It must be because of the thing that I said, or the thing I forgot. "

and "but he or she didn't do this and that, and he or she forgot this and that, so it's not my responsibility to engage." And you don't reach out, even though you really want to hang out or at least know how he or she is doing, and you really miss him or her. 


Time passes and you think to yourself: "this is no friend of mine." or "he or she is not part of my family anymore." and you cut him or her out of your narrative, and you get cranky and a bit disgusted when you think of him or her.  "I have proof. If he or she wanted to see me he or she would call." 


On the other side of this situation, is the other person, who one week before you brought his or her case to the court snd jury inside your head,  suffered a severe psychological trauma. It was and is too much for him or her, and there is no way to reach out of this black hole he or she is in.  Not to anyone. 


You did not know, and yet you acted. You lost a friend or a family member, and left him or her  in mental agony because of your pride and misjudgement. You made what seemed to be a small decision, in the mist, and you brought suffering to you  and your friend or family member, and you don't even know how much it hurts, and how much it would hurt if you knew. 


------- 


With the symbol of the mist such situations can be dealt with in a proper and responsible manner which will save you and other a lot of pain. 









UNGULATES


This song is about the irony in a person putting him/herself on a high horse, when trying to tell me that I am on one.  The lyrics are fairly straight forward when knowing what it’s about, I think. But I’ll try to clarify some things just in case. 


The first part of verse one hints you toward the general subject. 

I was in a specific moment being viewed as levitated in relation to the one trying to confront me, by the one trying to confront me. 

What I’m trying to say is, that because I have reached a higher level of understanding of a matter, does not mean that I am morally superior in any way. I have simply been putting in the damn work and sacrificing my own pride while putting my own ideas at risk ransacking myself, which brought me closer to the core.


The second part of verse one: As I am digging deeper into the matter that we were talking about, the person seemed to see me climbing and climbing the more I talked about it, ending up on my high horse. When I was actually tunneling downward and inward. It also stabs down the attempt of the person trying to hide the fact that the person in fact is the one thinking of him/herself as righteous. 

Is it you or me who rode in to this conversation on a high horse?


Verse two is playing with the horse-theme some more. 

A pure bred easy keeper is a pure bred horse that easily keeps the right weight. That is not about the person I am arguing with’s body. It’s just making sure we’re all still thinking of horses at this point. The horse I’m talking about in this verse is the horse I am on. It’s reached a proper height. Nothing extreme about the length of it’s legs or anything. And the horse I’m riding is under control. I don’t need no extra leather straps to keep it doing what I want it to. I’m in control of the way I am being brought around. Originally I wrote that I was saving the martingale for the persons wife. But that felt a bit too aggressive. So I just save it for the nights. I have fun with the tools you need to stay on the road. Bish. 


Verse three is really straight forward. 

"Ungulates of taller kind", is a rather direct synonym to a high horse. 

With "I took you for a ride", is that my arguments got misunderstood by the person, and the person will not admit that so is the case, and that that is why he/she is confused with how I am thinking. My words took the person for quite a spin. Which is obvious to me, since the person did not respond as if he/she understood what I had said. 


And in the way he/she reacted and responded made it crystal that I struck some sort of a sore and sensitive spot. The ego and the pride was struck, and the ego and the pride started to sing. That’s why I felt I wanted to write the ”uuuu-uuuu-uuuuuuuu”-part out as well as the words. But sometimes some other instrument(s) play that part instead of me singing. 




THE NOW


This song is about the truth and grandeur of the actual present moment.

It’s about the things I have been missing. The things I am at risk of missing. The damage I am doing by not actually paying attention.


I almost felt as if I was being judged by the ocean. I didn’t look at it first. It was already staring at me. Well… Of course it wasn’t. But it had been there in all it’s beauty and awesomeness for all this time, and I hadn’t noticed how intense the relationship between us was. 

Maybe I had at some point, a long time ago - when I was a child, since it struck me with nostalgia, not only with sadness, amazement and power. 


It was not only the ocean that I noticed. I was washed over by the sky, and the line where the two met - the horizon. I saw every crook in that line. The islands, the forests and the birds breaking in and out of it. In the word heavens I also wove the rays of the sun.  It has been there, with this amount of glory and availability forever, and I have not acted on or even seen the invitation to be in that same dimension. I am here as much as it is. In the same space. It costs nothing to enjoy it, and I am allowed to try to feel at home here. And I am responsible not to hurt this space. The space wants me no harm. 


I am not shaped by my past, if I don’t let myself be. I am aware that being born as a human being is a part of my past, and that itself is the shape that I come in. 

But how I act and feel in the actual present moment has nothing to do with how I have acted earlier, or how people have treated me up until now. And if something does hurt, if it does bring feelings of sadness, envy, anger or grief, so be it. Those feelings are not dangerous, and they are not something I should fight or try to get rid of. If I am in the same space as the sea and the sky, and not in the made up space in my head, the feelings and thoughts are just that - and not a part of me that I ought to peel. 


The same goes for the future. There is no point in worrying about it. It has not happened. And whatever happens - I can’t know if it is good or bad. If I am pinned down by- and squeezed between- the future and the passed, I am unable to be aware of where I actually am. It is a long process to try to find a functioning way to be as present as possible. This song is a reminder to me, and to you, to do your best, and that doing your best is enough. It is also a reminder to forgive myself, and yourself for the wrong decisions we have made and not torment ourselves by dwelling. Dwelling is an action. It is something that we do. It does not happen to us.




AMBER

”Hyperventilating amber in a transparent grail” - A glass of beer. 

”This heart-warming geyser is a tub for my brain” - It’s bubbly and it makes me warm and fuzzy inside, at least that’s what my brain thinks happens. 

”It comes from a-far and it’s made right here” they make alcoholic beverages everywhere. Every part of the world has it’s specialties, and they’re all good, really. 

”Dry, tinted, bloody and perfectly clear” - that’s just different way drinks are presented.

Dry? Dry wines, dry martini. Tinted? Whiskey, rum, mezcal etc. Bloody? Mary. Perfectly clear? Vodka, gin, etc. 


First part of the refrain is pretty self explanatory I believe. Ask me otherwise.

Junior is a friend. 


”Ocular endemic disease” widespread  problem with the vision. Almost nobody is willing to open their eyes. Those people effected by this imagined disease keep making plans for the future, taking for granted that there is one (a future). I’m talking about denying things like climate change, every persons responsibilities towards environment, in ending animal suffering and taking care of ones health. The ignorance and unwillingness and the lack of feeling responsible is cause for troublesome hopeless thoughts that make some people, me included, want to drink. We want to drink to avoid to feel the fright of the consequences of the average Joes unawareness and carelessness. 


The rest of the refrain is also self explanatory, I think. Ask me otherwise. 


”Those eastern cherries. Trap obsolete.” So many people have fallen for the trick of drinking special kinds of spirits and wines to make it seem reasonable to drink as much as they want to. It’s and old trap. Too old to fall for, but apparently it works. 

”Stuck in the quicksand that is Islay’s Peat.” Whiskey from Islay is good. It’s so damn good. It’s easy to blame the goodness when you want to numb the badness. 

”Well, well, well… When I throw my coins in thee, I down all my chances of owning my deeds” ”Well, well, well. What have we here. If it isn’t Paul Bäcklin” - Says the booze. And when I throw my coins in the well of alcohol wishing for peace of mind, I swallow all my chances of controlling what I do. Some times people do stupid things to themselves and others when they’re drunk that they cannot own up to when sober. Newsflash. 


I have a drinking problem. So I quit drinking. If you can’t handle it - that’s what you need to do. It works. Mind over matter, damnit. Locus of control. Where is yours?

WHAT I LET RUNNING


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WHAT I LET RUNNING


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WHAT I LET RUNNING


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EASIER LIVIN' (THE CACTUS SONG)


This song is about my bored imagination’s interpretation of a specific person's specific relationship to a spiritual and intoxicated experience on the other side of the world. He/she told his/her story when we accidentally met at a bar after me and another friend had discussed the potential idiocy of parts of astrology. 


This person I do not know. He/she knows some of my friends. 

He/she is not actually italian, but as I don’t want to use his/her name or be too clear of who it could be, I used this unbeaten path to describe/hint about the name. 

He/she was very excited to talk about (almost preach) his/hers spiritual awakening though. 


Very clear images popped into my head, and I chose to follow them and write down what happened. It is not in any way what he/she actually said, it’s just trying to describe the funny little movie that played in my head. 


So, what am I saying?

The first part is me describing the dessert ground. It’s sand. 

I liked when I thought of the similarities between the sizzling sand and shivering snow, so that’s how I decided to describe it. Not the shortest way, but I like how that combination of words makes my mind ramble. 


In the second part I’m just trying to wake you up from wondering and realize that we are walking (wandering, moving) at this point. 

As we’re walking through a dessert valley looking for something we do not know what it is, that thing we do not know what it is is looking at us. Peeking up from the sand, using is as a cover, and sneaks back down under so we cannot see it. 


Being stupid human beings, we of course misunderstand the thing we’re looking for. 

Now we’re assuming it is a cactus-creature we are looking for. We are also ignorant enough also assume that it is shy, not proud of it’s own appearance and a bit afraid even. 


In the third part we are under the impression that the cactus is not the thing we are looking for, but that it will guide us to what we are looking for. That is a me telling you that the flower of this cactus is what got him/her intoxicated enough to go on this spiritual creature hunt. 


”I wish you would stop moving”.  That is me saying that I am feeling done with this fantasy land. It amuses me no more. I don’t want to keep chasing. If I am to keep the story going it’s going to take more than it gives, and this version of the story in my head has to end. 


The entire vibe of the song is based on the melody I imagine being the theme of the cactus creature I made up. The chords were chosen when I was fooling around with a classic AC/DC-song for shits and giggles. Highway to hell I think it was. I thought it sounded funny to play that riff on an acoustic with a capo at like the 6th or 7th fret.


I feel a bit bad about this song since it’s in a way sprung from making fun of someone’s strong spiritual experience that he/she really felt gave something. 

A fun thing is that which creature the italian found he/she could not tell me, because it would lose it’s powers. But in my mind I for some reason got a real strong image of exactly what kind of creature it is. I wonder if that also takes away it’s powers. Me knowing.




MYAAAHHHHHAHAHAAAA!!!
SKELETOR WINS!!!!!